Monday 1 April 2013

Family

As life runs by in a mad rush, there are moments when you forget, when you stop thinking, and it is easier somehow... Stolen by life and separated my many ocean miles, you forget what it means to have a family around.

Because there is no other choice, if you want to keep going day after day, you turn the key on the memory box that contains all the shared laughter and moments of joy, all the touching smiles of true belonging, all those arguments, all the years that passed by when you could be simply fully accepted just for being you. You forget, or try to forget what it means to not have to prove yourself every moment of the day, what it means not to be judged and what it means to be loved for the simple fact that you are there, part of an unity.

There are days, like birthdays and holidays, when you remember the unity that once existed, and your heart squeezes painfully, and you turn the key harder, not to let the memories fly, because it is too hard to live in what it was and is no more, in what it could have been only if...

And sometimes, across the years and across the seas, you get the incredible chance to hold tight that which once you had. You remember that one night from long ago when you sat under the lit Christmas tree with your brother, talking and dreaming of the future... You remember the snow ball fights and the laughter... You remember fighting with your sister for clothes and your mother's cooking... You remember those days when you locked horns with your father for the simple because you were a teenager... The Sunday meals... So many memories of family...

When you are young, too busy looking towards the future, you rarely appreciate the love and the trust, the acceptance and friendship that hold a family together. And then, life takes you away, and you see each other rarely, for short periods of time. You wait on a busy airport with your heart beating faster with each second that passes, with a smile of happiness and anticipation on your lips, until you see your sister or your brother, your mother or your father. Years fly away, and as you throw yourself in their arms, holding them tight, you are a child again, life and distance forgotten.

Together, every second maters, every minute is held tight in the memory to last forever, every hour is filled. With laughter, you remember the fights you had as a child, you remember the times of bonding. After years of having real time together, you look one at another, and your eyes can not move away. Some things changed, as you had changed from the child you once were, and yet others remain the same, despite the passage of time. The teasing and the jokes, the comfort, the love and support.

And all too soon the day comes when you drive back towards the same airport, with your heart squeezed painfully for another good bye. Recent and old memories fly through your mind. You try to prolong the moment, to hold tight for one more hug and one more kiss, for on more photo that is biter sweet. You try to say good bye quickly because you know that the tears will start falling...

For a while, you had your family, or a member of your family close again, and you remembered what it means to be part of that unique unity again. The simple trust you have with the people of your blood, the belonging, the roots, the love... You remember that you are not alone, but part of a greater whole, and your soul longs for it, longs even more when the seconds are more precious then diamonds...

You go back towards you home, towards the life you live day after day, and you feel empty and lost... The house and the streets are full of ghostly memories, your home feels as empty as a desert and you long even more for the oasis of the family, never knowing when you will have the chance to be together again, and being grateful for every second you had, appreciating that unity even more so, because it is missing again...

And when your child wakes up in the middle of the night, whispering sadly that they are missing their uncle or aunt, their grandmother or grandfather, when your child looks around and says that the house is empty and they feel as lost as you do, you feel like howling...