Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Domestic Violence

There are some things that piss me of big time. The sort of things that throw me into a complete rage. One of such things is domestic violence.

I don't know about other people, but domestic violence is something I keep bumping into, one way or another. Once upon a time, the path of fear belonged to me as much as to others. There are so many way to abuse and be abused! Some of them, people don't even recognize as violence. Jealousy, possessiveness,  put downs, punishing silences, extreme manipulation, financial, emotional... Of course, there are the black eyes and the bumping into things, the rapes and the anger that becomes destructive, that people easily see for what they are. But most times, those are the last resort to control. Most times, there is a combination of abuse that destroy lives.

I'm going to start with the emotional, simply because people recognize it the last.  Sometimes, in the middle of what should be a conversation, one partner stops talking. You talk, and there is only silence. You don't need much intelligence to figure out that you angered your partner. But instead of a normal discussion about it, there is just silence. Punishing and hurtful. You have no idea what you have done or said, if anything. Drives one to second guess every action, every word. It is a nightmare.

And then you have the jealousy. You don't need to do anything in order to make your partner jealous. It does not even imply a person of the opposite sex. Or an adult. Everything can birth a jealous rage. Family, children, friends... One second too long spent with other people can create at the bare minimum sulking and reproaches. "You don't care about me! You are never there when I need you! Everyone ele matters more then me!" On the higher end, same actions can get as far as shouting, screaming, yelling, physical violence. The jealousy goes hand in hand with possessiveness.

On top of that, in the same time, put downs are as common as water. You are too fat, too skinny (sometimes in the same day), too smart or too dumb, too outgoing or not enough, not a good cook/wife/lover... Most likely it goes hand in hand with being negatively compared to other people. Very often, the put downs are made in front of other people. "It's ok, my... is too... to know". Sometimes in front of your children or family. If you dare to say anything to defend yourself, silences or violence (verbal or physical) are called for to teach you a lesson.

Social abuse goes hand in hand with possessiveness and jealousy. You are not allowed any friends whatsoever, god forbid someone would open your eyes. Not that your abusive partner would ever say so, but tat is the gist of it.

Economical abuse, where you are allowed to have no money to yourself if any at all, starts kindly, most likely with put downs of the sort of you not being able to budget and gets worse as time goes by. Because of course, if you have no money, you are totally dependent on your partner.

And so one. Slowly, before you even notice it, another form of abuse creeps in, until you manage to tick all the boxes: emotional, social, economical, physical and sexual. Not necessary in that order.

And this things tick me of the wrong way. Badly. Because no one, ever, has any right to abuse and control another. Because no one, ever, has the right to put fear in another. Because no one has the right to destroy someone else's life. Ever!

And I, personally, will never again stand by an watch anyone being abused. 

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