Since I am an adult, the end of the years always makes me nostalgic. It is like a call to look over the year that has past, count my blessings and failures, balance the things I learned. I can't seem able anymore to welcome the new year without saying good bye to the one that passes.
For the first time ever, this year I will welcome the new year without any of my loved ones. No family, no children, no friends that I consider family. Just me and strangers and acquaintances... It should make me sad, but I just laugh at it. If things were different, I would have at least had a boyfriend by my side, and then I would have had to worry about his wishes. But I welcome the thought that things are not different. Because one of the lessons I learned was to be mostly independent. And to trully belong to myself.
Last year I wished for solitude, time to make myself whole again. I did get it. I received enough solitude to read all the books I wanted to read, to take walk alone, time to dedicate to my craft. Other then my children, I had no one to worry about or to please.
2011 was an interesting year.
I fell in love when I wanted least and I had my heart ripped out of me. I managed to cry only a little (couple of hours) after which I decided that keeping the memory of the good times was more important. And I have learned that I am strong, in soul and mind.
It was a year in which I painfully missed my far away family. There were days I would have given anything, just to be with all of them, even if only for a day.
It was an year when I watched my little one finding a dream and flying with it. As a parent, it was an education, a surprise and a blessing.
I found out that I am sick and will always be so. Medication will keep it under control, but it did not change the fact that I am sick. And after feeling pity for myself, I stood up and counted my blessings.
It was an year in which I achieved a semblance of peace with people I did not think I could.
A year in which I learned to say Yes or No, according to my heart's needs. Looking back, I just had to step away from guilt. And what a liberating lesson it was!
A year in which I have truly learned how to love myself through ups and most importantly through downs.
I did not achieve all the things I wanted to achieve, and there were quite a few and harsh set backs. But all in one, it was an important and blessed year for me.